Happy Birthday Esther Kate

Esther's birthdayHappy birthday Esther Kate!

I hurt for you and miss you today. But I also celebrate your life. I treasure the few hours I got to spend with you in my arms two years ago today. You were so beautiful and perfect. You will always be my girl.

Today I wonder again what heaven is like. I can only imagine now, but one day I will see it with you. You can show me around! One thing is for sure: you have everything you need. You are not hurting today, and for that, I am so thankful.

 

I love you forever.

Love,
Mommy

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Dear Esther, It’s Been Two Years Since That Day…

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERADear Esther,

It’s been two years since Daddy and I walked into that fateful doctor’s appointment. It’s been two years since we chatted innocently in the waiting room, trying to decide what we would name you. Two years since we had dreams of the life we would have with you. Two years since our hopes and plans for you were stolen in one dreadful moment.

But I still remember it like yesterday. I remember the silence. I remember the shock. I remember the sobs that shook the deepest part of my being. I remember how helpless I felt. I was your momma. How could you, my precious baby slip away without me knowing? I didn’t even get to say goodbye.

There were so many words I wanted to say to you, so many hugs and kisses I wanted to give you, so many moments I wanted to share with you.

When I found out your life was over, it felt like mine was too.

Today, I feel all these things once again. It is lonely without you here. There are still so many things I want to say.

But sweet girl, I want you to know that I would do it all again for you. I would walk through the pain of losing you again for you to have a brief life here and an eternal life in heaven. You were worth it. You are worth it. The joy you brought me in your short life will always be treasured. I am so thankful that I was chosen to carry you for those brief months on this earth. And through your life and death, I have learned to look for eternity with an earnest heart. Heaven is not far away. Forever is what matters. And one day, I will tell you everything!

I love you so much.

Until we can be together forever,

Mommy

Esther’s Week – 2 Years, 1 Year, Today

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This is an important, painful, and special week of memories in our home. I wanted to share some of our joy and struggle as we navigate the two year anniversary of Esther’s passing from this life into her eternal home… Two years ago this week, I was about to be blind-sided by the tragedy of [...]

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February

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February. Need I say more? Probably. But in my mind, that one word says it all. Even after two years the word February invokes strong emotions in the private world of my own heart. I have been mostly absent from the world of blogging lately, as I soak up the snuggles, giggles, and delights of [...]

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Merry Christmas Esther!

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Dear Esther, It’s hard to believe today is your second Christmas in heaven. It seems like you were just here. I guess that is because you are always in my mind and on my heart. A lot has changed this year. We have grown and learned how to live more like Jesus. We have healed [...]

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Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

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October 15 is pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day. Today I am remembering my sweet girl, Esther, who touched my life so deeply. Though we had her for such a short time, our love for her continues. I will ever be thankful for the tiny life that changed our family forever… Dear Esther, We love [...]

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Elijah’s Kidneys – A GOOD Report!

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Last Wednesday, we took Elijah to the St. Louis Children’s hospital for follow up on the kidney problem detected in pregnancy. Ever since we were referred to a specialist at 26 weeks, it has been suggested that only the left kidney is healthy and functioning, with the right kidney missing from where it should be. [...]

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The Arrival of our Miracle: Elijah Amos!

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Our miracle baby Elijah Amos has arrived! Words simply cannot express our joy, thankfulness, and awe. I wanted to share just a snippet about his arrival before I go back into my little cocoon of just gazing at my baby’s face. I can’t believe it’s already been 2 weeks… Monday, August 25, 2014 is a [...]

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My Experience With Pregnancy After Loss – A Reflection on the Last 8 months

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Lately it has been much harder than normal to sit down and organize my thoughts into a blog post. I can hardly believe we are in the final stretch of this pregnancy. The last 8 months have seemed like a blur in many ways. I have had so many things running through my heart, and [...]

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2 Due Dates – 1 Birthday

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The last days of July hold special significance in our home. This is when we remember two baby due dates, but only celebrate one birthday. What a bittersweet time. Kyla’s due date was July 30 and she was born on July 21, 2011. Esther’s due date was July 28, but she went to heaven on [...]

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