Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

jesus holding babyOctober 15 is pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day.

Today I am remembering my sweet girl, Esther, who touched my life so deeply. Though we had her for such a short time, our love for her continues. I will ever be thankful for the tiny life that changed our family forever…

Dear Esther,

We love you sweet girl. Your sister, brother, daddy, and I miss you. We miss your presence in our family. Not a day goes by that we don’t think of you. We wish you were here. We wonder what your smile would look like, what your giggle would sound like, and what your hugs would feel like.  It’s hard to believe that you would already be walking, talking, and showing your personality. It still breaks my heart that I will never get to hold your little hand for walks, orESTHER-150x150 see you reaching up to be held, or kiss your owwies away, or watch you playing hand with your big sister and little brother. But one day I will embrace your little hands and never have to say goodbye again. You are precious, little girl, and you hold a place in mommy’s heart that will always be yours.

Hold tight to Jesus little one, and until we meet again, know that we love you and we remember you…


Today, I am also remembering all the dear friends of mine who have also lost a precious child. So many babies with Jesus…Luke, Lucy, Pax, Jude, Cameron, Sophia, Aaron, Matthias, Benjamin, Zechariah, Mary, Rachelle and many others. As I remember each of their names, I realize that heaven is a rich place. For the mommies and families here there is pain, but for the babes in heaven there is great rejoicing!

Perhaps you know someone who has had to say goodbye too soon. Reach out to them today and let them know you remember…Just a call, text, or email can remind someone that their baby is not forgotten. Thank you to each of my friends who have already contacted me today. You can also join with us by lighting a candle at 7:00pm in memory of these little ones.

Matthew 19:14 “…Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

You are invited to comment with the name of a precious life you are remembering today…

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*photo courtesy of




Elijah’s Kidneys – A GOOD Report!


Getting ready for the test

Last Wednesday, we took Elijah to the St. Louis Children’s hospital for follow up on the kidney problem detected in pregnancy.

Ever since we were referred to a specialist at 26 weeks, it has been suggested that only the left kidney is healthy and functioning, with the right kidney missing from where it should be. Instead, a small cystic structure was found lower in the pelvis. Since the left kidney appeared to be functioning okay through the end of the pregnancy, the plan was for follow up at 2 weeks of age.

So yesterday was the day. We were expecting to get a clearer picture of what was going on. As we made the drive there, it felt so good just to have him here. We had made it this far, and we were trusting God for a good report.

First we had an ultrasound performed on his kidneys and urinary system.

From the sonographer we learned that there was no right kidney where it should be, and the cystic structure was still there. The left kidney still looked normal, with just a mild amount of dilation. We pretty much saw exactly what was seen during my pregnancy.


Here he is getting the sonogram done. He was the cutest little patient!

We then saw the pediatric urologist, Dr. C, who had been reviewing all of my sonograms up to this point. He said that Elijah’s left kidney looks very good and has grown larger than a normal newborn kidney to compensate for the right(this is good). It appears to be effectively doing the work of two. Based on the ultrasound, Dr. C does not think the left kidney has a blockage or reflux, the two problems they were concerned about. This is great news! The amount of dilation found in this kidney is minor and will likely resolve. The right cystic structure is small and should not need removed or cause a problem. We will have a follow up ultrasound in 6 months to check on the good kidney and make sure that it still looks okay.


Happy Daddy!

Dr. C said that the kidneys start forming between 6-7 weeks of pregnancy. They actually start out low in the pelvis and as the baby grows, travel up to where they are supposed to be. Likely, there was some kind of blockage in Elijah’s right kidney very early in formation, which caused cysts to develop, and prevented it from traveling up to the correct place. Instead it sort of died off.  We are so grateful that only one side was affected.

HERE is the best news…The doctor said that Elijah will be able to do everything that normal kids do: play, ride a bike, go sledding, and even participate in most sports! He is expected to live a normal, full life, with no problems at all! Yay!!!

We are so excited and thankful for this report. We have truly experienced joy after joy with Elijah’s arrival. After feeling like this whole pregnancy was an uphill battle, we are delighted with the good news.

We attribute this miracle to Jesus alone. Our God is all powerful and ever faithful. We are believing for continued good reports in the future. I want to thank each of you that have prayed, encouraged, and stood with us. We are so blessed to have such wonderful friends and family.

Now we can look forward to snuggles, smiles, giggles, rolling over, crawling, first steps, and all those wonderful milestones that parents are supposed to experience with their kids! I plan on savoring every one of them!

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Waller Family Heart

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Lessons From a 2-Year-Old on Life & Death


This morning as I did my devotions, Kyla colored in her special notebook. Every couple minutes, she would announce what she was currently drawing. Daddy….Mommy….Grampy. Each time, I nodded my encouragement. Then one caught me off – guard. “I’m gonna draw Esther’s bave (grave)” Ouch Perhaps one of the more painful things to navigate after [...]

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