Happy Birthday Esther! We are thankful for your LIFE…

IMG_4406Dear Esther,

Happy 3rd Birthday!

Although you have celebrated all of your birthdays in heaven, your legacy continues here. Both in our family, and in other families through Esther’s Hope.

Tomorrow, we will have a birthday party for you.

We have flowers and balloons, and cake with pink sprinkles. Your big sister insisted that we get the princess plates and napkins. She was sure that would be your favorite. I agreed because you are our little princess. And you are the daughter of the true King! You are enjoying His magnificence even now!

Tomorrow we will also have presents for you. A few days ago, Kyla began gathering up several of her most prized possessions and said they were for you for your birthday. So we wrapped them up. Kyla is planning on opening them for you, but she said today she really wished you were here to open them yourself. She misses you very much. But she was so happy when I told her about heaven – where you are on your birthday. She was especially happy to hear that you never get any owies! She really loves you.

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Today, on your birthday, we wanted recognize some of the greatest gifts you have brought into our family…

You have given us a wonderful opportunities to talk about heaven and focus our lives and our family on eternity.

You have given us the chance to reach out to other families who are hurting over the death of their baby.

You have given us the chance to trust Jesus even when we have so many earthly questions.

You have given us the chance to truly love someone we don’t even fully know.

You have given us the chance to talk about and show the humanity of the unborn.

You have taught us to value one another and treasure every day we get together.

 

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Thank you for being part of our family. Thank you for the wonderful things you have brought us. No one else can replace you. We wish you were here today to open your presents and celebrate. But even though we are apart for now, we want you to know how very much we love you. Happy Birthday!

With So Much Love,

Mommy, Daddy, Kyla, and Elijah

Valentine’s Day 3 Years Ago

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3 years ago today,  my husband, mom and I slowly made our way to the local hospital. The heaviness in our hearts was overwhelming. Just 2 days earlier the words “no heartbeat” had shattered our world, forever changing our lives and future as a family. As we checked in for our induction, the hustle and bustle of Valentine’s day cheer felt so out of place. Balloons, flowers, and chocolates were being sold at a special display in the hallway. All while uncertainty, brokenness, and sorrow filled my heart.

It’s amazing how time changes some things, yet leaves others just the same.

Now 3 years out from this tragedy in our family, much healing has come to our hearts. We don’t live in a perpetual state of grief. We are able to see into the future without a cloud of sorrow overshadowing our lives. We have discovered how to treasure the memories of Esther, and keep moving forward with her in our hearts.

And yet, the sights of Valentine’s day can take me right back to that day again. I can feel, even just for a little while, the depth of shock, disbelief and pain that permeated our lives. Reliving those memories still takes my breath away. And as strange as it may seem, remembering those heart-wrenching days has become very important to me. Not only because I want to hold onto the only memories I have with my daughter, but also because we still need to grieve. I still need to grieve. In this journey, I have found that allowing the grief to come also allows the healing to come. Out of the depths of grief can also come great depths of healing. With each layer of grief, comes an opportunity for even greater healing.

So as I relive the memories of those broken and yet precious days in February of 2013, I’m recognizing how far God has brought us in this journey. And I’m also allowing myself to grieve, knowing the pain is still very real. But even more, I’m focusing on the one thing that will never change…My love for her. That tiny girl who was in our earthly lives for such a short time, yet will be a part of us forever.

We Love You Esther Kate.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Birthday to My Miracle Boy!

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Happy 1st Birthday to my precious son, Elijah Amos! I cannot believe a year has already passed since his supernatural arrival in our family! I have enjoyed every single one of our 365 days together. Because of the pain we experienced prior to his birth, I am keenly aware of the joy this baby boy […]

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A Birthday, An Empty Place, and a Miracle

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The third week in July is always a tough reminder of what our family should look like. With Kyla turning 4, we should have another little girl turning 2. The hole left by our loss in more tangible this week. As I approach the 2 year anniversary of Esther’s July 28 due date, I can […]

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Mother’s Day…And The Predicament I Find Myself In as a Mom of Loss

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It happens every year… The Saturday before Mother’s Day as evening approaches, I feel a weight on my chest, and I have to catch my breath. The reality that one of my children is not here feels like it slaps me in the face. The empty space in my heart is unveiled. It happened again […]

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Happy Birthday Esther Kate

Happy birthday Esther Kate! I hurt for you and miss you today. But I also celebrate your life. I treasure the few hours I got to spend with you in my arms two years ago today. You were so beautiful and perfect. You will always be my girl. Today I wonder again what heaven is […]

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Dear Esther, It’s Been Two Years Since That Day…

Dear Esther, It’s been two years since Daddy and I walked into that fateful doctor’s appointment. It’s been two years since we chatted innocently in the waiting room, trying to decide what we would name you. Two years since we had dreams of the life we would have with you. Two years since our hopes […]

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Esther’s Week – 2 Years, 1 Year, Today

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This is an important, painful, and special week of memories in our home. I wanted to share some of our joy and struggle as we navigate the two year anniversary of Esther’s passing from this life into her eternal home… Two years ago this week, I was about to be blind-sided by the tragedy of […]

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February

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February. Need I say more? Probably. But in my mind, that one word says it all. Even after two years the word February invokes strong emotions in the private world of my own heart. I have been mostly absent from the world of blogging lately, as I soak up the snuggles, giggles, and delights of […]

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Merry Christmas Esther!

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Dear Esther, It’s hard to believe today is your second Christmas in heaven. It seems like you were just here. I guess that is because you are always in my mind and on my heart. A lot has changed this year. We have grown and learned how to live more like Jesus. We have healed […]

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