Coming Home From Eugene, Oregon

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAMy little family just arrived home today from Eugene, Oregon.  All of us, that is, except for Esther. Our trip to speak at the Acquire the Fire there had been scheduled since last fall, even before Esther existed.

It’s so crazy to think that between the time we planned this trip and actually went on it, we conceived our second child, carried her for 16 weeks, gave birth to her, and said goodbye. Such a short time for so much to happen. It is really hard to wrap my mind around.

I wish I was nauseous on the flights, and I wish my feet were swollen from walking. I wish I was exhausted and had to run to find a bathroom at every stop. Why? Because that would mean she was still here with me. That our family was still complete OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAon this earth.

Instead, as I walk along the beautiful beach, and gaze at the breathtaking mountains, I imagine what heaven will look like. What is Esther seeing right now? Could it be something even more beautiful? I know that it must be. She is experiencing the life, beauty, and perfection of God that can’t even compare to this world.

And yet, to be honest, I would rather her be here. I would rather be feeling her kick as I walk along the beach. I would rather have the chance to bring her back as a toddler to this beautiful place. To see her little toes squirm in the sand and the wonder in her eyes as the waves come crashing in. Tears come to my eyes knowing I will never get the chance.

Right now, the ache outweighs the joy. But I know one day the joy will overtake the pain. One day, it will be as if we OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAwere never separated. One day, our family will be together forever…experiencing the incredible wonder of our God face to face!

”…He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4

I will wait for that day…





  1. Thanks for this transparent writing. I miss her.

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