To Esther on Mother’s Day

mothers_day-209365Today is a hard day. Celebrating a holiday for moms whenever one of your babies is gone is so difficult. I have my first baby with me, so I wanted to write a letter to my sweet baby girl in heaven…

Dear Esther,

On this first Mother’s Day that you are in heaven, I want to tell you…

I am so very glad that I was chosen to be your mommy. You are one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given. From the first moment I knew you were inside me, I loved you and would have laid down my life for you. I felt so blessed to be the one to carry you. I remember fondly every moment of nausea because it meant you were there. Growing, thriving, and being nurtured in my womb. I am so happy for the few times I got to feel you kick, even so very lightly. I will never forget seeing your tiny, tiny heart beating so strong at 6 weeks, then again at 8 weeks and 12 weeks. You were such a strong, healthy girl. For the rest of my life, I will treasure every day that you were in my belly.

Although you were only here 16 weeks, it feels like you have always been a part of our family. I can’t even remember life before you. You will always be with us in our hearts and we will never, ever forget you.

Esther Kate, you have changed me. You have impacted my life so deeply. You have given me a real perspective of the shortness of life on earth, and the permanence of eternity. You have made me see every single thing in my life differently. You have shown me what really matters. You have taken a piece of me with you to heaven, and I long to be there. You have made me so brave. I no longer fear any hard thing in this life, or even death, because of you. Through your life, I have been able to love Daddy more. You’ve made me a better Mommy to Kyla, too. Most of all, you have helped me love Jesus like I never have before. You have brought me closer to the One who holds you now. Your life has caused me to trust our Daddy more than I knew was possible. He is so wonderful!

While I hurt so badly that you are not here with me, I purpose to celebrate your beautiful life. You had weight here, my daughter. You had meaning and value. Your life mattered. Even while you are in heaven, I will tell the world about you. I will let your life and your story touch other people’s lives. I will take the hope of heaven, that you are experiencing right now, to the ends of the earth. I will let the pain of losing you become greater passion to serve our King Jesus. And I will carry you with me forever.

So on this Mother’s Day, even while my heart is broken, I celebrate you! I recognize you as my second born daughter who made me a mommy all over again. Thank you for being my little girl. I love you sweet Esther.

Love,

Mommy

 

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