One of the Hardest Things to Hear After Losing a Baby…

pink flowerOne of the hardest things for me to hear is a pregnant woman complaining. When I hear someone say they are so exhausted, or wish they were not gaining so much weight, or can’t do all the things they love now, or won’t be able to manage their home when this baby is born…I can literally feel a seething inside me. I want so bad to get right up in their face and tell them to just thank God their baby is ALIVE. I feel like they have no idea how many of us fellow moms would literally have our right arm cut off if we could just have a big belly, be throwing up every day, and be woken by a sat-on bladder 3 times a night. Every mom gives a piece of herself for her baby to have life. Whether it be feeling comfortable, a good figure, time and money, or something else, there is always a sacrifice. But some of us would give everything yet still can’t give our babies life. Whenever I feel my insides burning in the presence of a big bellied complainer, I try to remind myself of these things:

– Pregnancy can seem hard, and it certainly does seem difficult to the woman talking.

– If someone is complaining, they obviously don’t know what they are taking for granted, and have a limited scope of experience.

– I don’t want them to walk through the nightmare of losing their baby. So it is actually good they can’t understand.

– I complained about uncomfortable pregnancy things before I lost Esther. Now I feel really stupid that I ever did.

When I feel frustration at what seems like other moms ungratefulness, I can’t help but wonder how many times I did the same thing before I walked through the pain of loss. How many times did I mope around, or highlight every pregnancy discomfort I was feeling in a given day? How many hurting moms heard me, and thought what I am thinking now? I guess life experiences change our perspectives so much. Losing something so dear shifts the definition of hard.

So while I do still wish that pregnant women would keep their mouths closed about their discomforts, I have learned a deeper lesson.

photo (1)Don’t complain about things that seem annoying, but are actually the greatest blessings.

Besides complaining about pregnancy symptoms, I have noticed my responses to other things have changed. When I am tempted to get frustrated with Kyla’s big, hard to snap in car seat, now I stop and thank God I have a toddler to strap into that seat. I would give anything to be strapping in 2 car seats this summer. When I feel like I spend my whole day just cleaning up the huge messes that Kyla makes, I think how blessed I am to have those messes to clean up. I wish there were twice as many messes to come. When Kyla’s almost two-year old whining feels like it is grating my nerves, I remind myself what a beautiful sound a baby crying is. How I wish that in a few short weeks I would be hearing twice as many cries.

I never again want to call a blessing a curse. I pray that through Esther’s life, I can continue to recognize the incredible blessings hidden within the work of being a mom.


  1. Jane Reinwald says:

    Thank You Kaylyn for these words. These are such important words for all of us,for it could be someone we love that we complain about and then they are gone from this earth,so no regrets,no shame Love is the only answer. I know it is hard to keep complaining under,however remember if we walk and are lead by the Holy Spirit it gits easier to Love. Love You,Hugs ( I hope this makes sense)

  2. Yes! I totally agree! It is so hard not to say something. I have thought of writing this post but just hadn’t. I agree with what you said and totally get that change of perspective.

  3. Allison says:

    I completely agree with you! I just lost my sweet baby boy at 16 weeks on 5/6/2013….. and a friend of mine just had her baby three weeks later….only to complain that she had to have a c-section and how hard that is. I wanted to scream, YOUR BABY IS ALIVE!!!!!! REJOICE!!!!! I am grieving with you and am trying to have faith that God might bless us again with a child. I agree, also, that I have been appreciating all of the little moments with my 5 year old girl and 3 year old boy. Keep the faith. God will be merciful!!!

    • Kalyn from Mommy's Heavenly Dream says:

      I am so sorry for the loss of your son. This journey is so difficult and it changes us as moms so much. You are right, we must keep trusting God through it all!

      Praying God gives you strength,

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