4 Months Ago Today…I Found a New Kind of Love

Esther's birthdayFour months ago today, my second daughter was born. February 15, at 3:18am, a new kind of love was birthed inside of me.

…A love that transcends what I can touch, feel, and see.

…A love that knows not the bounds of life or death.

…A love that is stronger than words and bigger than my own understanding.


…A love that grows powerfully every moment, every day, and every week.

…A love that hurts deeper than anything on earth.

…And a love that waits…and waits…and waits…

Four months ago today I was overtaken by this new kind of love as I held Esther in my arms for the first and last time. I gazed at her tiny hands and feet, and marveled at the miracle of her life.

I was even more overtaken as I realized that I had to say goodbye, as I felt my heart break in two, and as I began the rest of my life without her.

On one hand, it feels like it was only four days ago.

On the other hand, it feels like it was four lifetimes ago.

Four days…

Four months…

Four years…

Four decades…

I know each one of these time markers will feel different, and yet the same, because she is still not here.

Kyla at CemetaryThe pain of this anniversary is immense. Yet the joy of being her mom is even greater.

Today, once again, I purpose to let my second daughter’s life change me.  I will carry on the hope she now has: knowing Jesus face to face.

Words will always fall short of describing my love for Esther. We will miss her everyday for the rest of our lives. We will keep talking about her importance in our family. And we will keep leaving kisses on her gravestone.

But most of all, we will keep loving her…with this powerful, reckless, abandoned, whole hearted love, that will wait…and wait…and wait…until heaven brings us together again.

“For our citizenship is in heaven, from whom we also eagerly wait for the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ…” Philippians 3:20

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