If I had known she would only be here a short time…

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThere was no way we could have known that our time with Esther would be so short. I am thankful for how much I treasured my pregnancy with her. Since I had already experienced the joy on the other side with my first baby, I really enjoyed this pregnancy and everything about it more. Since my time with Esther ended so abruptly, I have thought a lot about what I would have done if I had known my time with her would be so short. Here are a few of the things I have thought about over and over again.

If I had known she would only be here a short time…

I would have never even mentioned the uncomfortable pregnancy symptoms.

I would have sang to her everyday.

I would have talked to her more, and told her about how everything in the world works.

I would have taken her to my favorite places so that she could be there with me.

I would have recorded every little movement I got to see on the ultrasound screen.

I would have taken pictures with Kyla giving my tummy a kiss and Daddy holding her tight.

I would have put my hands around my belly every moment possible.

I would have tried so hard to fit a lifetime of love into 4 amazing months.

There are so many things I wish I could have shown her, and taught her. So many memories I wanted to make with her. Most of all, I wish I could have just held her, kissed her, and watched her grow. I wish I could have rocked her to sleep at night. And I wish she could know how very much I love her.

My comfort right now is knowing that one day, I will get to do everything with her.

It will be different, and not how I wanted. But somehow, it will be better. Until that day, we will live with the hope of being together again.


  1. Adam Waller says:

    Yes, I love her and miss her.

  2. Jessica says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Reading the entry for June 27 made me feel like you we’re describing my feelings. I’m constantly feeling regret and sadness for all the things I never got the chance to do with my boy and the things I would have done if I only knew that my time with him was so short.
    Thanks for sharing your story.

    • Kalyn from Mommy's Heavenly Dream says:


      Thanks for commenting. I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby boy…This road is very hard.

      Praying you find hope again,

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