What to Say Wednesday: Advice From a Dad Who Has Been There Part 1

What to say Wednesday 1Here is today’s Wednesday tip on how to support families walking through the loss of a baby…

One of the most helpful resources I found after losing our baby Esther, was a book called I Will Carry You. It is written by Angie Smith, wife of the lead singer of the well known Christian group, Selah. This inspiring book tells the story about the Smith’s fourth daughter, Audrey, who they carried to term after receiving a fatal diagnosis. With three other young children at home, Todd and Angie Smith walked through soul shaking ups and downs without losing their faith in God.

I would highly recommend this book to anyone who has experienced loss, or is looking to support someone who has. It is such a heart-wrenching, yet beautiful writing that truly paints a picture of what it is like to experience losing a baby. I am thankful for this family’s willingness to share the details of their journey. It has truly been a source of strength for my family.

While most of the book is written from Angie’s perspective, Todd writes a small section in the back of the book. He gives an insightful glimpse into a Dad’s perspective. I wanted to take the next two What to Say Wednesday’s to quote his advice…

“What do you say when someone you know is carrying a baby who is dying? One of the best words of advice I can give is to listen and say little. You don’t have to say anything. Don’t overspiritualize it. If there is a burning in your heart to share something and it’s not led by your own agenda, then share. When we lost Audrey, the last thing I wanted to hear was, “But you know, God’s in control.” Or, “Think how He’s going to be glorified through this.” I know these things are true, but I don’t want to hear someone say such things in the midst of losing my daughter. “Look at all the lives that have come to Him through Audrey’s loss.” I’m aware of that, and I’m grateful because it gives weight to her life, but to be perfectly honest, I would rather He use some other means to save them and give me my daughter back. These sayings are all well intended, but they don’t do anything to bring comfort to someone who has lost a child (I Will Carry You page 199).”

Spoken like a true father who loves his little girl so much. Come back next Wednesday to hear the rest of this Daddy’s advice…


  1. Adam Waller says:

    Good one
    Love you honey

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