Merry Christmas Esther Kate

photo(14)To Esther Kate

Her first Christmas in Heaven

Dear Esther,

I wanted so much to spend this special day with you. To see you open your first present, enjoy playing with your sister and cousins, and celebrate with your family who loves you dearly. I miss you more than words can say. It’s not the same without you here.

All the celebrations this week have brought back memories from last year. The week of Christmas 2012, I was 9 weeks pregnant with you. We were so excited you were coming, and thought about what the next year with you would look like. Mommy was nauseous and couldn’t eat much. But when we made our gingerbread house, I ate half of it! You must have liked it! On Christmas day, we spent the night at your Grammy and Grampy’s house. A large snowstorm was in the forecast overnight. Well, the snow did photo(15)come, but unfortunately so did the flu. Mommy woke up sick as can be the next day. I was so worried about you, but you were a strong girl, and weathered it just fine. You got a lot of presents from family even though they hadn’t even met you yet. Everyone loved you already and was so happy you were the newest member of our family. I smile fondly at those memories of our one Christmas with you on this earth. I’m glad it was such a happy one.

This week has been hard with you not here to share it with us. It always feels like someone is missing. Mommy has cried a lot, and Daddy hurts for you too. In honor of you, we took a care package to the hospital today. It is for another family who is hurting without their baby. The package was beautiful just like you, sweet girl. Your life is touching other lives. I’m so proud of you!

We went to visit your grave today. As soon as we pulled into the cemetery, your big sister said, “Esther!” For the hundredth time, Mommy gently explained about you, your life, how much we photo(12)miss you, and that you are with Jesus now. She is learning. She was so excited to put flowers by your grave, and she left three big kisses for you. She loves you even though you two have never met. When she got back in her car seat, Kyla started crying and asking, “Where’s Esther?” She is such a little girl trying to understand a big concept. Sometimes mommy feels the exact same way.

Today, instead of being here with us, you are spending your first Christmas with Jesus. When I stop and think about it, I realize that you are experiencing a celebration like we could never give you. I can only imagine what it might be like. Being with the Prince of Peace. Living in the presence of our Savior. Seeing Him face to face. Although it doesn’t take away the pain, I know that you are not lacking anything for Christmas. You are experiencing perfection. For that I am thankful.

photo(13)It is overwhelming to think about spending every Christmas for the rest of my life without you. But I know Jesus will help me through one year at a time. And the memories of our one Christmas together will be cherished forever. You will always be on my heart and mind. I will always remember you. I will always talk about you. I will always celebrate you. I will always carry on your legacy of life.

My Baby Girl, I love you so very much. I can’t wait to see you again and celebrate together His birth and redemption forever. Merry Christmas!




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