To Esther…On the Day We Found Out You Were Home

photo(25)Dear Esther,

One year ago today our lives were changed to find out that you were already in heaven.

All day long, I have tried to figure out what I am supposed to do on this anniversary day. I have relived the hours of February 12, 2013. I have tried to think of something clever or inspirational to write about, but instead I decided to simply write a letter to you. After all, You’re the one who has been on my heart and mind all day.

Baby girl, I love you…so very much. I miss you…Daddy and Kyla do too. One year ago, we found out that our time with you on earth was cut short. But our love for you only continued to grow.

When they told me your little heart had stopped beating, I was devastated – how could I live without you? I was outraged – how could something have hurt you? I was broken – why couldn’t I give my life to save you?

That was a defining moment in my life. As much as I wanted to, I knew I couldn’t give up. As I tried to picture the future, I knew my life would never be the same. Yet as I felt the full force of the pain, I knew you would always be my baby. It has been hard living this year without you here with us. Yet I know that this has been the most incredible year for you. For that, I am thankful.

One year ago tonight, our home had a revolving door. Family members coming to be with us and cry for you. Today, we remember you, cry for you, and rejoice with you – that you are really home.

Esther Kate, you are my tiny girl, who has so greatly impacted my life.

Thank you for being my daughter.




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