Dear Esther, It’s Been Two Years Since That Day…

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERADear Esther,

It’s been two years since Daddy and I walked into that fateful doctor’s appointment. It’s been two years since we chatted innocently in the waiting room, trying to decide what we would name you. Two years since we had dreams of the life we would have with you. Two years since our hopes and plans for you were stolen in one dreadful moment.

But I still remember it like yesterday. I remember the silence. I remember the shock. I remember the sobs that shook the deepest part of my being. I remember how helpless I felt. I was your momma. How could you, my precious baby slip away without me knowing? I didn’t even get to say goodbye.

There were so many words I wanted to say to you, so many hugs and kisses I wanted to give you, so many moments I wanted to share with you.

When I found out your life was over, it felt like mine was too.

Today, I feel all these things once again. It is lonely without you here. There are still so many things I want to say.

But sweet girl, I want you to know that I would do it all again for you. I would walk through the pain of losing you again for you to have a brief life here and an eternal life in heaven. You were worth it. You are worth it. The joy you brought me in your short life will always be treasured. I am so thankful that I was chosen to carry you for those brief months on this earth. And through your life and death, I have learned to look for eternity with an earnest heart. Heaven is not far away. Forever is what matters. And one day, I will tell you everything!

I love you so much.

Until we can be together forever,

Mommy

Comments

  1. Perfectly said. Thank you, Kalyn.

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