Valentine’s Day 3 Years Ago

FebruaryValentine’s day

3 years ago today,  my husband, mom and I slowly made our way to the local hospital. The heaviness in our hearts was overwhelming. Just 2 days earlier the words “no heartbeat” had shattered our world, forever changing our lives and future as a family. As we checked in for our induction, the hustle and bustle of Valentine’s day cheer felt so out of place. Balloons, flowers, and chocolates were being sold at a special display in the hallway. All while uncertainty, brokenness, and sorrow filled my heart.

It’s amazing how time changes some things, yet leaves others just the same.

Now 3 years out from this tragedy in our family, much healing has come to our hearts. We don’t live in a perpetual state of grief. We are able to see into the future without a cloud of sorrow overshadowing our lives. We have discovered how to treasure the memories of Esther, and keep moving forward with her in our hearts.

And yet, the sights of Valentine’s day can take me right back to that day again. I can feel, even just for a little while, the depth of shock, disbelief and pain that permeated our lives. Reliving those memories still takes my breath away. And as strange as it may seem, remembering those heart-wrenching days has become very important to me. Not only because I want to hold onto the only memories I have with my daughter, but also because we still need to grieve. I still need to grieve. In this journey, I have found that allowing the grief to come also allows the healing to come. Out of the depths of grief can also come great depths of healing. With each layer of grief, comes an opportunity for even greater healing.

So as I relive the memories of those broken and yet precious days in February of 2013, I’m recognizing how far God has brought us in this journey. And I’m also allowing myself to grieve, knowing the pain is still very real. But even more, I’m focusing on the one thing that will never change…My love for her. That tiny girl who was in our earthly lives for such a short time, yet will be a part of us forever.

We Love You Esther Kate.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

  1. Nathanie Cherry says:

    Love you Esther Kate

  2. Adam Waller says:

    Beautiful and so true.
    We love you Esther Kate Waller!

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