What To Say Wednesday: Don’t Try to Explain

What to say Wednesday 1Welcome to What to Say Wednesday – a weekly post offering a suggestion of what to say or avoid saying to parents who have lost a child. To find out more click the icon to the left!

Here is today’s tip…

When talking to someone who has lost a child, don’t try to give an explanation. Humans by nature want to understand things. There is almost an unspoken belief that if something can be understood, it can be accepted. However, when a baby dies, there is no good explanation. Babies aren’t supposed to die. Even if a medical reason can be found (which is only about 50% of the time), losing a baby is something that just can’t be completely understood on this side of heaven. That is one of the things that makes it so very painful.

Many times, well-meaning people will try to offer a reason for the loss, making comments such as, “God just needed another little angel in heaven,”  orIt just wasn’t meant to be.”

Statements like these are unhelpful because they trivialize the pain, and can be compared to putting a band-aid on someone who is bleeding to death. Let’s face it, they don’t even make good sense and can insinuate things that bring more hurt to the grieving parents.

Instead, simply offer your heartfelt condolences for the loss and be willing to feel the silent questions with them.


See you next Wednesday for another tip!