The Most Helpful Advice We Received After Losing Our Baby – Part 2

empty-cribWelcome to part 2 of The Most Helpful Advice We Received After Losing Esther.

If you missed part one, you can read it HERE.

Here is a continuation of the most valuable words of advice we were given on grieving the loss of a baby…

4. Be easy on Yourself.

Don’t expect as much out of yourself and don’t take every thought or emotion at face value.

This has been absolutely critical for me. In the first several weeks, I was simply not capable of doing much at all. My mind literally could not think clearly about anything. When I started to take my own inability too seriously, I would feel like I was losing it. Now, even 20 weeks later, I try to recognize my limits and not put too much pressure on myself. Losing a baby shakes you to the core and is extremely traumatic. It affects every part of a person. I learned to give myself some space.

5. Grief will come in waves. Learn how to ride the waves of sadness.

If you try to wall off the waves instead of surfing them, they can crush you. Walled off grief can add up and turn into bitterness or unresolved anger. When you ride the waves as they come, you walk through the grief in a healthy way. As time goes on, the size of the waves will decrease, and the frequency will be less.

Adam and I have found this analogy to be extremely true. The first few days after our loss, the waves of grief were huge and constant. They felt crushing. We cried and cried and cried. Yet we would have brief moments of calm, where we could breathe for a second before the next wave. As the weeks have gone by, the waves have continued. They have changed with time. We have done our best to ride them instead of wall them off. The times we have attempted to block off the pain, we usually experienced a huge emotional crash. Obviously, some of this will happen in the ebb and flow of life. I have noticed that if I have several days in a row that I am busy and always around other people, I may not take the time I need to feel and grieve. I will usually then get hit with a significant wave of sorrow, sadness, and grief. Whenever I take it as it comes and let myself process a little at a time, it helps.

6. The questions will come, and that’s okay. It’s what you do with the questions that matters.

After a tragic loss, the questions seem to far outweigh the answers. Tormenting, nagging, wonderings seem to be everywhere. Having the questions is okay, but how you handle the questions is important. You can either let the questions take you to a place of utter torment, or you can keep giving them to the God who holds all the answers.

As much as we wish that we had more answers, we’re learning how to keep giving the missing pieces back to God. We have found that trusting our deepest questions to Him is the only road to peace.

This finishes up part 2 of The Most Helpful Advice We Received. I hope this information has given you more understanding about the journey through loss. Once again, I am very thankful for the people who have shared their experience and expertise with us. I hope that through these posts, someone else would find the strength to keep going on this hard road.

Be looking for the 3rd and final part to this series soon!

In the meantime, I would like to hear from you. What are the most helpful words of advice you were given as you walked through a loss?