Common Misconceptions About Baby Loss – Part 2

flowerEarlier this week, I introduced some of the common misconceptions surrounding miscarriage and stillbirth, along with their corresponding truths. Here in part 2, I will share a few more of the erred ideas I’ve discovered since my loss.

If you missed part 1, you can read it HERE.

5 more common misconceptions about baby loss…

Misconception 6: Other living children make up for one that was lost.

If someone had three older children and one died, no one would say, “at least they have two others.”  It is just as ridiculous to think like this if a baby is lost. Each child is an individually loved person. Each one is different part of the family. And each has a place in the parent’s heart that no other child can fill. Obviously, parents who have no living children experience different grief. Yet all parents of loss agree that not even a houseful of healthy children can somehow “make up for” one that was lost.

Misconception 7: A pregnancy that ended in miscarriage or stillbirth is one big bad memory.

This is simply not true. While there certainly are very painful memories, the whole experience is not bad. The memories represent a precious baby that was loved so much. While the death is horrible, the life was and is beautiful. The happy memories of the time the baby was alive will be treasured for a lifetime. Even the painful end of the pregnancy holds memories that are very special. For some parents, it was the one day they got to hold, kiss, and love on their baby, even when they were already in heaven. These memories will always, always be cherished.

Misconception 8: Baby loss, in general, should not be talked about.

Death is uncomfortable, but it is the unfortunate reality of the human state. Some have to deal with it prematurely, and in ways they never should. It seems almost unacceptable in our society as a whole to talk about miscarriage and stillbirth. Because of this, lots of women carry deep, silent pain. Many fathers also carry unspoken burdens, being as strong as they can for their wives, yet struggling with inner hurt. Whenever baby loss is recognized and talked about, it validates what suffering parents are going through. It makes them realize they are not the only ones. And it helps to bring a form of healing to something that can never truly be “fixed.”

Misconception 9: Because of modern medicine, miscarriage and stillbirth are rare.

I think the previous notion leads to this belief. Because it is not talked about, many people don’t realize just how many parents have lost a child during pregnancy. It is true that the majority of women will never suffer the loss of a baby. But 1 in 4 will experience a miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death at some time. This is not meant to create fear, but simply to help people realize that a lot of precious babies have been lost, and a lot of moms and dads are hurting.

Misconception 10: If a couple goes on to have another baby, they must be “over” their loss.

Parents don’t “get over” losing one of their children. Ever. They will miss the child for the rest of their lives. While having another baby can bring some healing, it also brings new grief, as parents realize everything they missed with their child in heaven. To read more about this struggle, click HERE.

 

If you are looking to learn more for others, I hope this post has given you helpful information. Because of so many wrong ideas, many parents feel very lonely in their grief. Knowing more about what it’s like can help you support loved ones through loss. Don’t feel bad if you didn’t understand these things before. I didn’t know until I lost my baby Esther.

If you have experienced loss yourself, I hope this post has helped you know you are not alone in feeling misunderstood in your grief.

In closing, I would like to hear from you. What other misconceptions have you found about baby loss? What are some of the hardest comments or ideas that you have had to face as a mom walking this journey?